If we are going to talk about human victory cigars we can’t leave out Monica Lewinsky.

[buzzers in]

Just like pulling off a band-aid... quick and painful to see the pus infected red skin underneath.

The ringing of the Tacko bell...

“Anytime Alex gets to it I expect him to make the play, he expects to make it.” - Jennifer Lopez in ED commercial airing every 15 minutes

My wife perfected that move right after we got married.

+1...but now I need a shower

“He made the noise but nothing came out.”

An ultraviolet light will tell you which one belongs to Phillip Rivers.

“That’s the plan.”

“Well fuck me!”

You would too, if your name was Mitt.

They can try to cover those tracks, but when you are back on the “horse” everyone knows it.

Bummer, Sooner...

Most of the ones I ran into were more interested in the distance from the tip of the head down to the floor.

“Who gives a shit?”

Unless he’s still in there...remember Luke Chrisco?

No, they’re just pissed because Jimmer left.

Jules Verne couldn’t get to the bottom of the Madonna chasm. What makes you think CeeLo had a chance?