I thought Dubya was the worst president of my lifetime, and right now, staring down the barrel of President Trump or President Cruz, I'm actually starting to miss him a little....

Panton told Jezebel in an emailed statement. “Ted and I had many mutual friends who would usually stop by to watch movies, play video games, or even engage in long, fun discussions about politics, philosophy, and life.”

Analog dick pics! OMG

That's brilliant, and better if the shit looks like a dick

A post has been making the Facebook rounds about a woman who sends pictures of her shits to guys who send her dick pics.

Someone on here recently suggested I reply to dick pics with dick pics found on the Internet. I’m dying to try this.

Honestly, I think it’s because as a female you are worried you’ll be judged if you don’t show up. Dudes just take for granted that they can stay home when they are sick, their kid is sick, or it’s dangerous to travel.

Fun and Results. The 19th century Netflix and Chill.

My dear young miss, I am a Nigerian Prince...

Although why does an oven mitt mean “no”?

This looks like something a guy with a trench coat, fedora and lush neckbeard would say in an OKCupid chat.

A third? My friend, your batting average is incredible. Any straight man would be thrilled with that.

There’s one phrase that showed up on multiple cards. It was clearly a catchphrase with a flirty meaning, but I don’t know what it means, and neither does Alan Mays.

As a big homo - and an expert at the lost art of cruising - I’ve used cards like this. In quiet theaters, booths, and parks - often talking is discouraged. Lingering too long after getting off is too. So a lot of us would have cards made.

After a while it gets boring bringing your trucks to the same spot at the far end of the Walmart parking lot and you start thinking “guys, what if maybe there’s more to life”

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of TWO THROBBING DONGS, must be in want of a wife.

I once licked a pussy so furiously that it exploded and love juice filled the hull of the ship we were sailing in until the boat sunk. Then I used my titties like the propellers on a motorboat and took us safely to shore all while she fingerbanged my asshole. True story!

I LOVE this picture. It looks like the uterus is curtseying.

1. Saying "I am good" when someone asks "How are you?"

This is not the actual problem that people have. It's when they say "I am doing good" that the problem arises. They should be saying "I am doing well"

Unless I am mistaken?

Obligatory.