my friend he can grow all the prison muscles in the world but he can’t defend against the blinding white light of pure hatred, which you have on your side

so this is what it looks like, to me: an american baseball player will stride toward the pitcher so that when he lands on his front foot his hips are still perpendicular to the pitcher. after the batter lands his front foot, he THEN begins rotating his hips. in comparison, it looks like the japanese batters are…

the Texas Rangers will investigate the police officer’s shooting of the suspect

you know who else signed with the braves at the end of a long career of mashing dingers who also should’ve just retired?

the guy who turned post-soviet russia into an oligarchic hell hole says we shouldn’t deregulate? holy shit

They drive like real Californians: oblivious idiots.

is that bad?

I say this as a Philadephian: we are the absolute worst people on the face of the planet.

philadelphia is the south of the north

wow a white irish guy from philly who uses the n-word who could have ever seen this coming

is that good?

“Irish descent”

are you a republican

Does your wife want to smooch Ryan Gosling or something?

You and every other suicidal person in San Diego. There are big signs all along the bridge saying “don’t do it” with the unwritten parenthetical “it’ll fuck up traffic and be majorly uncool bro”

why does bob dole need 140 thousand dollars hes gonna be dead before he can spend it what the fuck bob

Congrats on your big dick

Curt Schilling refused to pay a business debt to my dad that would’ve been the equivalent of like half an innings worth of a game check for him. Foreshadowing!

I feel like short shrift is being given to sitting in a dark room and honking one’s pud all day.

paul newman is dead tho. i could kick his ass.