yep. fuck victoria's secret. the gym is a fashionshow? NO. ugly footwear and uni-boob forever. i want people to stay away from when i workout, which is why i douse myself in wolf piss before i dare step foot in an la fitness.

ew to this headline. it might as well read: lara logan worked her sex appeal until it got her raped. (and i know this is a story about her fucking up a source but kinda sick of jezebel's recent treatment of rape victims given the botched execution story where there was NO mention of the victims and now this trash)

oooh man. i hope she gets better. this whole case sounds rough.

that skit was brilliant and jones is absolutely correct. good for her.

except...this dog. Lucy<3

an entire gang of kids came out to present it to me. they were so excited; it was obvious they had invented it on the fly or something and it was their pride and joy. either that or they collectively jizzed in it but since i still have faith in humanity (and there was no creamy/suspect 'sauce' to be seen) i believe…

i ate a fried chicken sandwich at institute bar not too long ago sandwiched between two waffles. both the sandwich and THE GREAT CITY OF PHILADELPHIA are delicious. there is a reason ben franklin left boston to come here.

where the hell are you from, the sahara? AND YOU STINK, OK!?!?!?!?

i was probably high when i wrote that, yes.

me: "are you an asshole?"

my line of thought tends to be: are you an asshole? no? then you can be in my lady club. theres nothing we can't work out with words. but thats one on one; i understand that groups of people operate differently.

i personally think bill is trying to get to jay-z. he wants jay-z on his show SO. BAD.

also i'd suggest you start calling local practices, the biggest university with a dentistry school around you, etc. or research nearby dentistry conventions. theres a good chance someone will take it on pro bono if you level with them and explain the financial issue + opiate addiction.

if it makes you feel any better, even molar root canals are easy peasy...at least in my experience. i had never had any oral surgery of any sort and i got one done on valentines day at 8am last year and i didn't even need the script they gave me. once it's done and they get that inflamed bastard out of there and seal…

Jennifer Lawerence's next goal: barf on Madonna at the Academy Awards while she is accepting an award.

DIPLO MOM YESSSSSS SO MUCH REVENGE BEING HAD IN THIS INTERVIEW.

come on. those legs. I AM IN AWE. are you not too?

i'm starting to suspect i'm an apple-shape because i definitely gain weight in those places; however, i am not endowed with sparrow ankles.

I am sitting here going through the vogue slideshow of kate upton and i am just...in awe of the slenderness of her legs. HER ANKLES ARE LITERALLY < HER WRISTS. IT IS INSANE. can somebody please confirm what i'm seeing is either a) photoshopped or b) baby fawn legs surgically implanted on a human body to make us all…

i hope these shows/demonstrations/whatever have good security.