homegirl is fucking lucky as shit and also has the lightest period on god’s green earth bc if that was me please believe they would have blurred out my entire lower half and all 26 miles behind me that were literred w huge globs of my uterine lining.

i mean i’ve seen published, non-pixelated photos of marath0n runners with literal shit running down their legs

Jesus tapdancing Christ... How do you manage living on that island? Everything is trying to kill you AND waffles “aren’t a thing”?

Wait, waitwaitwait, hold the fucking phone... “Try” waffles? As in you’re a waffle virgin too?

So, who wants lunch? My treat.

When I hand it to her, I tell her, “No charge for the extra blood!” She doesn’t even blink, snatches the package and leaves.

I would love to be a roller derby-er, in another life where I'm not afraid of breaking bones.

The new beer comes courtesy of one of the pub’s staff members, who’s been experimenting with semen-injected foods.

In a twist that everyone saw coming, it turns out that the bartender is a horse. He is now in police custody.

I think that’s enough Internet for the day.

I JUST WANT HIM TO PARTICIPATE IN DEBATES THAT IS ALL I WANT<33333 UNCLE JOOOOOEE!

He’s wanted to declare for a while, but he’s been Biden his time.

If you get cold at night, put an extra blanket on your bed! If you get too warm, remove a blanket! #lifehack #bedroom hack

If you need to leave a boring business meeting, shit your pants. #lifehack

Same here. “Well he and Mia Farrow weren’t living together at the time.” NOPE STILL CREEPY.

They’re all the same, anyway. Just the same shit over and over and over and over.

UGHHHHH my eyes melted out of my face when I read that then my face melted off of my body then i died.

Woody.......

Like, whatever I guess, they’ve been married for 20 years and obviously this dynamic works for them. It makes me knee-jerk grossed out to read these comments now, but there are a million kinks and relationship types and preferences I will never understand, nor do I need to.

She deferred to me, and I was happy to give her an enormous amount of decision making just as a gift and let her take charge of so many things.