Don’t mow in flip flops. That’s how people lose toes!

Wow. “Rub some dirt on it, kid.”

On my job, there's a guy who likes to leave a plate of ghost pepper brownies around unsupervised and all inviting like. I second that. Don't eat the unattended brownies.

Hoosegow is a wonderful and sadly underused word!

I'm 46 and was out til 2 am looking for Pokemon. There was a group of kids playing in town too and I was a little concerned that they would realize I'm an adult but nobody seemed to mind.

I wish I had Dear Abby as my lawyer all those years ago... No, your Honor it wasn't felony theft it was a breakdown in communication between my client and the dept store. Just a misunderstanding. Perhaps Nordstrom should see a counselor.

Wait, what? Teaching consent = awesome. Threatening sexual violence - questionable

And now, here i am, 45 yo and downloading Insta so I can see the penis print of a man who refers to himself with a definite article. How did this happen? #iveseenlotsofpenis #thatsnotaname #isworeoffinstabuthereiam #sizedoesmatter #ifyousayitcallmyex

I used to work in Naptown. Like a million years ago. Good times.

Especially Prince.

Trevor Noah is funny and smart and gorgeous and I'd marry him tomorrow.

Is that true? I don't have any meter for normal and I know a lot of my life has been unusual so I'm wondering is this the experience of other Jezebel readers? I have had guns pointed at me at least 3 times and one time a guy said he had one but I'm not sure. Threatened with at least one knife. And also seen, handled…

1) please please stop saying “subsidize their server’s income.” That makes it sound like charity and it’s not. Tipping is payment for a service. 2) Raise the minimum wage but leave tips alone. If the min wage goes up but the ‘tip allowance’ doesn’t then servers will get paid more, maybe even enough to cover my taxes.…

My local Safeway has a Starbucks inside it and no tipping is allowed. If you leave money anyway they put it in the bucket for the SPCA or whatever. If they get caught doing otherwise they risk losing their jobs.

Um... I’m not LDS or conservative but I do remember Katrina and Sandy and the tsunami and the Greek bank crisis. Three months seems reasonable to me. Esp if you keep in mind that 3 months worth of food for me will only last a few weeks if I share with my neighbors. And climate change is happening. We have every reason…

Can we please give Texas back to Mexico?

Honestly I feel dumb admitting this but I was so thrilled with my Mirena that I was a walking billboard for it. Even as I gained 100 lbs, suffered with depression and developed Achilles tendinitis in both feet. I can’t be completely certain that the Mirena caused any or all of that but I had it removed and things are…

That's cuz Corona is gross and nearly anything would improve it.

What do you say instead?

I admit: I’m on cold meds so maybe that’s why I’m confused but isn’t the Bible the usual reason given for subjugating the rights of women, minorities and LGBT? Is Carson afraid that Muslims will corner the market on bigotry? I don't get it. More DayQuil please b