I just moved to Texas and the sir and ma’am thing is real. I have even started to do it without noticing it - it’s like it’s just what you call people. I don’t really LIKE it, and have actually told people to stop calling me ma’am, but it is pervasive.

I want to know what if anything you did to the boyfriend.

Oh they were horrible. A tribal sun that looked more like a tribal egg, a wizard Mickey Mouse flipping the bird, and the words “Free Bird” inked on the back of his forearms. Bless his heart.

Lesson one of gun safety: all guns are always loaded. Even if you unloaded them yourself. Even if you checked. Even if you just saw the thing assembled for the first time in its life. It is loaded.

You must believe the “found a loaded gun” story then. I don’t.

I dunno. it looks suspiciously like Farrah Abraham territory

He already had two children.

Am I the only one who sees cops as people doing a job and they don’t deserve some kind of extra special super respect just for doing that job? I mean, if they do something beyond their job, that’s different, but we pay them to do their jobs, they don’t need me to buy then a sandwich.

Forgive me if I’m more concerned with the lives of citizens being murdered by trigger-happy nuts with badges than with the fee-fees of a bunch of emotionally stunted (mostly) men.

Equally, that could’ve been the most unexpected origin story of your superpowers if it had fallen in nuclear waste.

Did you have a stroke? Shall I call 911 for you?

“My buddy just got a tatty gun off the internet, he’ll totally hook you up!”

• Never Made It As a Wise Man, Couldn’t Cut It As a Husband Either

Wedding photo as a part of the divorce announcement. Weird, passive aggressive, or just a good picture she wants to re-use because dammit, they paid for those wedding pictures and want to get their money’s worth!

The wings are supposed to go at the top there Avril.

As a professional body language analyst I’ve been expecting this for some time.

Is it still eyeliner when it touches your cheek?

girl.

“I’m just doing to hover my hand here so I don’t leave any self-tanner on your dress...”