I’m glad I’m not the only person who the not-so-subliminal messaging of Mad Men has impacted their booze consumption.

I thought the whole thing was an homage to me. My mother’s name was Bettye, and she died of lung cancer, and I worked my way up from a secretary to a much higher position in my company (ala Peggy), and I have a dog named Ted. (all of this is true)

I really didn’t need the peek into Jake from State Farm’s love life.

It’s like someone cursed him to only speak in the rambling, incoherent gibberish that comedians use when they do impressions of him.

They also like to follow you around and check out what you’re doing. They live raisins and will do tricks (okay ONE trick) for them. I like to walk around the yard with one of the hens perched on my shoulder, pretending that I’m a pirate.

100% real... I feel like they wanted to say 100% real beef but legally couldn’t so they made up the annoying significant other gag to interrupt before he could make that claim. Also, why is this even the Hamburglar? He’s not stealing burgers, he’s not doing anything Hamburglar-y. WHY?

They do. And if you sit down they will come over for pets and some even get in your lap for snuggles and just relax there like a tired puppy. Our good family friends have a dozen or so and they let the kids pet them and all that. It’s very sweet. And also a real problem because chicken is delicious.

Sorry, I’ll just be over here imagining Allen coming home to a house full of chickens “Allen, I just found out chickens are huggable!!”

He looks like he’s from a McDonald’s porn parody. Next thing you know, he’ll be stuffing Grimace’s muffin.

Spreading rumors like “Kevin Federline is the new Hamburglar” is the entire reason that Twitter exists.

You go to counseling. Immediately.

I’m more disturbed by the fact that, in the two other commercials they have on YouTube, he has a kid. I’m only left with the conclusion that the Hamburglar has had sex. And now, I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like I was told to not think about pink elephants, except with a naked man climaxing by yelling “ROBBLE!”

Does Cher think twitter is a magnetic poetry set on my fridge in 1997?

Let’s get weird. I vote Macaulay Culkin.

This was when predictive text had been a thing for a while, and me and my brothers were trying to get my dad to use it as it was so painful to watch his slow texting. He acquiesces, sort of, but one day storms intoy room shouting that “the phone won’t write what I tell it to write”. I go “oh let me show you...” and…

Oh the cringyness. Background: We were in negotiations for a 3some. Me, who is a woman, with him the main lover, plus another man. I had the man picked out and the plan was to warm him up to the idea and then have the main lover over. So I typed, to my current lover: “He is adorable. I can’t wait to have you both…

Me: Happy birthday! Hope you have a wonderful day!

does OKCupid count?

if so there’s this one...