Thank you, “just doesn’t have the ability to be a person” is my new favorite insult. It’s very “bless his heart.”

The Clairvoyants are SO OBNOXIOUS to me. We all know that magic is pretend; stop acting like you two are fucking ghosts or something.

“THEIR FLOWER.”

Oh COME THE FUCK ON with your bullshit claim that a neurological disorder can be cured by jumping jacks. She takes medicine because she needs medicine. If you truly have an ADHD diagnosis and your doctor thinks you’re ok without meds, good for you, but you know that’s not typical.

Whoa whoa whoa. You got beef with Grace?

Kittens. For the story.

Gisele is also shudder-worthy. Google her awful breastfeeding comments, or her Bridget Moynihan-erasing stepmother crap.

Limecrest, a name as meh as they are.

Show of good faith, maybe?

OMG, did your mom also host an Undercover Wear party to which you weren’t invited? And did you also sweat the nightie with glow-in-the-dark stars? And am I totally showing my age right now?

It’s a terrible British candy with a very misleading name.

Turkish Delights always sounded so delicious to me as a kid. Finally tried one this year, without doing any research. It’s a fucking chocolate covered gumdrop. So nasty.

Excellent Double Creature, and does Lactaid actually think we’re falling for that?

I have a similar one, only it’s a giant cardboard box on his head.

Mast cell tumor?

I’m not Australian, but in the U.S., the parent consents. My son was a baby model (always fully clothed, quit when he got bored with it, every penny is in an interest-bearing account in his name).

Marla was smart enough to take her 3000 miles away from him once they divorced. He doesn’t raise kids anyway, just uses them as props.

I always assumed it was meant to be “laTEENex” but I can’t help but read it as “laTINKS.”

To Facebook!

I had also forgotten about Madonna adopting that kid, and now I’m even more disturbed by that Instagram where she called Rocco the n-word.