I am very much enjoying “idiots (probably Jamie Foxx and J Lo)."

I heard he also lied about adopting a son, having an illiterate father, and having a secret passage in his grandfather clock.

I’d like to build you a cake for the ‘Bebe’s Kids’ reference. Where do I mail it?

I did, too, until ‘Secrets and Lies’ last year. Hot dad alert.

Here’s a fun fact: De Niro is 54 years older than his son.

Everybody knows autism is caused by birthday cake; that’s why it shows up when it does.

Apparently this is a thing with octopuses in aquariums. They’re super smart, and they escape because they’re bored. It kept happening at my local aquarium (and he’d eat other, expensive creatures when he escaped), so they began giving him his food in puzzle boxes to stimulate his brain (or whatever the fuck they think…

Posh thinks she’s too good to tour with them, despite being the third best Spice Girl fashion-wise, the fourth best singing-wise, and the fifth best personality-wise. That’s OK, the rest of them can just split my money four ways instead of five.

Both of those parties sound terrible.

The groom didn’t buy her that dress.

Isn’t Mayim a hippy dippy nutjob, though? Or am I thinking of someone else?

To be fair, McCarthy and Carrey always presented as morons. It wasn’t until Bad Grandpa that De Niro did.

You don’t even want to know what they’re actually doing with bleach. It’s horrific.

Oh, come on, they don’t think we own half.

But Bowie wasn’t. Nor were his loved ones.

I have a real thing for forearms and I made it through school without raping any dudes.

Why, yes, I did click on the FAQs, and now I’d really like to know why they must be replaced every 6 months.

I’ll answer that question with a question: have you ever heard of Jessica Biel?

One day the entire planet will just be cemeteries and golf courses.

Don’t you bring Crystal Pepsi into this. It’s a Surge can and you know it.