YASSSS, GIRRRRL! I’m so jealous of the fun you’re about to have. Update me.

Respectfully, WTF are you talking about, lady? Baby goats are THE BEST BABY FAUNA ON EARTH. I say this as a person who’s raised a baby human, two kittens, and a tadpole.

I will never tire of this very important infographic.

And that’s when I was a kid. Last year, my son was Lord Business and my husband and I were Emmett and Wyld Style. Yes, the boy had a light-up helmet. I don’t fuck around.

Exactly. Your costume shows if you’re lazy, creative, good with you hands, think outside the box, offensive... and so on. For the record, I was Gene once, but I did makeup and recruited 3 people to be the rest of the band (detail oriented and a natural leader, tyvm).

Potato chips are not ingredients; they’re edible spoons for onion dip.

PIZZA ROLLS. yw

My husband made the chopped liver into little Millennium Falcons last year, so...

This coming on the heels of the Mary Kay Latorneau/Villi Fulau interview proves that the 90s are truly back. Can’t wait for Amy Fisher, Tonya Harding, and the Menendez brothers to make their comebacks.

I used to interview applicants at an old job, and I’d ask them what they were last Halloween. One kid said he was Gene Simmons, but he wore a RUBBER MASK. His costume was a human with black and white face makeup on, but he used a mask. I recommended that we not hire him because that sounds like one lazy dude. They…

I don’t have the time these days, but I used to watch her religiously. How you doin’?

Same. Why did our mothers allow that??

And she was a preschool parent? So she’d just been through it a few years ago? I... am confused at her conclusion.

That sounds... a lot like America.

Was it entertaining, at least? Mine was interesting because it was pretty clear that NOBODY was telling the whole truth and nothing but, not the plaintiff, not the defendant, and not the cop. It was tricky.

Yes, thank you. It’s especially suspicious since technically, a woman can only make a baby every 9 months, but a man could knock up like three women a day. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to sterilize the men? (NOT condoning it, in case someone jumps to that conclusion.)

I respectfully disagree

It’s been a while, but I feel like it itched for a couple/few months, and then it was numb until he was around one. Science ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Beyond the Sea. Still haven’t seen it, but it’s been on my list for like 8 years.

It’s called Leah Remini: It’s All Relative. It’s the only reality show I watch, because she is Queen (of Queens, but also my heart).