I once had jury duty with a guy who does food photography. He told me about all the tricks and non-food products he has to use. Not even a pro can make real food look good. I mean, think about it, it’s all dead plants and dead animals, why WOULD it look good?

Me! Big flop.

Cough cough Bobby Darin (it was my wedding song).

So Kris sleeps in lip gloss and fake lashes? OK cool

Gwen also has a history of shitting where she eats. Met Gavin on tour, before that it was the bassist for No Doubt.

That’s what I was thinking re: those drawn-on Halloween freckles.

No, because I saw that movie The Fog or whatever it was called.

My grandfather’s best friend lost an eye to that, true story... Although that was back when soda came in glass bottles with metal caps, so...

You won’t believe how small it gets. My son’s almost 7 now, and my scar is only 4 inches long and almost invisible.

Don’t let Poodletime scare you; I had a c-section and it was great.

ILY

WAS?

Same. Have you seen her reality show? She’s just like how you’d expect.

Point of order, that baby is dressed as The Flash, who’s part of the DC universe, not Marvel.

Is that a typo or a Simpsons reference?

Is this the right place to discuss that Samsung ad with the awful, weird soundtrack of a staccato British woman yapping about Snapchat? Google tells me she is Lady Lashurr, and my ears tell me she needs to go the fuck away.

I immediately assumed that women were reading them. Straight, and maybe also gay, if that Julianne Moore/Mark Ruffalo movie is accurate?

“Making love part of her routine.” What even IS that?

Almost painted my computer with coffee spit over the duffel bag.

Not only that, he’s a character you can buy in the Lego video game. Fun patenting moment.