You’ve doxxed yourself as a brunette with bangs, which is what I always pictured.

I served in Lowell last year! It was so much fun. There’s a great pizza place around the block.

Shhhhh...

Lol, nope, just 46 months pregnant with my daughter Mirena.

Mine’s full of plastic.

Did you watch Humans on AMC? Because now I’m picturing these Barbies running into each other at a sleepover, cocking their heads, and asking, “Why don’t you share?”

But what about the Parisian carnival??

“We were told they knew how to rock in Shelbyville. But nobody rocks like Springfield!”

I just watched that episode yesterday. ILU

Has she always had that accent in her name? Am I just now noticing? I thought the K thing was bad, but THAT’S NOT HOW ACCENTS WORK, KRIS. Are we supposed to be calling her “hhhhhchlow-AY”?

It wasn’t a big fancy wedding, though. They got married in a court house, then went out to dinner with 20 people. Yes, his friend is a tasteless idiot, but at some time in our lives, I think most of us have had a friend like that. The friend thought they picked the date on purpose, and ran with it... way too fucking…

Judge Brown had taught me well. That’s an outright burn. Shade would be more like, “I have no idea what that means, and I’d love for an intelligent person to explain it to me.”

OMG he’s standing a foot in front of her to trick the camera into making him appear taller. Tom Cruise must be a fisherman.

He doesn’t move the seat when he drives my car! #keeper

68%, statistically speaking.

I’m so glad I’m not the only person who’s passing my sick sense of humor on to my kid.

Our pediatric practice’s website used to have a giant blinking animated gif on the homepage (think MySpace style) that said, “Never shake a baby!” When my son was around 6-12 months, we used to playfully jiggle him while saying “Never shake a baby!” in a “whosagoodboy” type voice. He thought it was hilarious.

That comment left me feeling deflated.

I’ve had that happen with actors, too.