So ready to embrace my inner Helen Roper.

I’m twice her age and I look half her age. And other than sunblock, I did NOT take good care of myself when I was younger. Is that background character from Lost drinking her blood, or what?

Puberty will do that.

Oh, come on, you KNOW they’re reading from a different bible.

Heck yeah. Haven’t had one since I learned that trick 15 years ago. My husband knows I get the bathroom first.

BRB gotta thank my husband for having an awesome name.

Sez you.

Holy shit that child is evil.

You really are.

It sounds like a euphemism for something nasty. I don’t even want to speculate what.

Nobody should wear those but Kelly Bundy.

I only remember commercials where they sing the 800 number. I once cracked my windshield on the way to work, called the insurance company, and they told me to use whatever company I wanted to. I literally had to sing to myself, “Who do you call when your windshield’s busted? Call Giant Glass. 1-800-54-GIANT—” And then…

I think I’ve starred you like six times today. Did you recently take an improv class, because DAMN.

Emma Stone, noted not-Asian and Woody Allen collaborator. DON’T FORGET YOUR PAL JENN CALLED IT.

I’m still unclear on what a bandage dress is. Is it just a spandex mini dress?

That’s what I did. My old last name was my father’s name, and I’d been wanting to change it anyway. Then, I lucked into a dude with a lovely last name.

I think I have a psychic link with Bobby.

Oh good, I was planning on avoiding that area anyway.

Kara just threw down the gauntlet on adultosaur. Give me ALL your popcorn gifs, friends (also the “dis gon be good” man).

I read “Come on, Kendall,” and as I clicked, I whispered to myself, “Cornrows or war bonnet? Cornrows or war bonnet?” while waiting for the page to load. Fun game.