Now they just need to recruit Jeb Bush and an alligator on bath salts and they can start production on “Florida: the Movie.”

That time that Bobby Jindal wouldn’t take no for an answer, and Susan had to fake possession to get rid of him.

Where was this, exactly, so I can never go there?

TO THIS DAY I giggle at funerals because I think of that song when they do that prayer he paraphrased. I mean, it happened last week. Thanks, Coolio, for making me look like a psychopath.

Get renter’s insurance! It comes in handy. We lost power for five days during a freak blizzard a few years ago, and we’d just gone shopping and lost hundreds of dollars worth of food. They covered it! We almost didn’t bother calling them, but I’m glad we did.

Ramp to nowhere, random rusty thing... This is like the Stefan nightclub of driveways.

OMG when you go outside at 9pm and feel like you’re drowning, right? I CAN’T BREATHE WATER, I AM A HUMAN BEING.

I admire your passion.

Yeah, me too. Maeby in another life. ;)

The fact that he thought his grown ass woman mom needed a little boy to protect her says a LOT.

My son just got his first loose tooth on Saturday. We have a 100% honesty policy with him, so I told him I’d buy it for a dollar when it fell out. My husband thought that was low, so I Googled and found 20 articles with averages ranging all over. So I asked Facebook, thinking that most of my friends are about the same…

Are you seriously gray? That’s some bullshit, right there.

All I know about him is that he’s one of Those People who can’t figure out self checkout. Please balance that fact out with, like, eight good things?

Hi, Elvis! I know the army cook who ate with you every day, and he’s doing great.

It worked for me!

Order coke (or diet) in a rocks glass with a lime and stir straw. People will assume it’s rum and coke.

Hey now. I’m always barefoot unless shoes are required by law, and then it’s flip flops or Chucks. My arches are SICK (pics avaliable upon request). I was born without arch support, I will die without arch support, and I’ll be damned if I have any in the meantime. Say no to toe jail!!! (Barefooters are a passionate…

PR is pricey as hell and for good reason. Don’t make me think of porn when I’m eating my chicken Milanese, Pornhub.

You’re on TV!