Are you, by any chance, one of the 742 people currently running for president? Because I like your platform.

*Mortal Kombat

The p-word that Victorias Secret uses a lot on their commercials [hurls chicken gyro all over phone, leaves].

Judging by the grandparent it came from, I think it’s my wit and maybe my temper. :)

Oh, right. Boo.

As a part-Scottish person, I will permit you to use “clan.” Although, I know what people like to do with c-words when they’re Kardashian-adjacent, so on second thought, maybe you don’t wanna.

Now I want to check if mom still has my 100+ BSC books so I can see if you’re right.

Dude, dismiss that troll.

My sister (from MA) told me she learned this when she was living in FL with her boyfriend and his daughter. It was really easy to sort the laundry because all her stuff was black, charcoal, and navy.

Sorry, couldn’t resist. If you’re wondering why I didn’t use the 14th word, I literally can’t type it without barfing.

I heard if you replace the eggs in your recipe with horse cum beer, it makes your cake really... MOIST.

OMG Ann M. Martin is a serial killer.

I’ll take a crack at it: Woonsocket, Rhode Island?

Boy, you are a very compelling storyteller. I’m sorry Chicago Lady wrecked you, but that was a really enjoyable read, so there’s that...

My husband literally JUST emailed me that Bill Hader is the new captain, but Fox will only confirm that he’s on the premiere. I’m betting (hoping) Holt returns.

Now I’m paranoid that you won’t get my sarcasm.

Whatever, you’re not a real doctor.

I’m going to teach you a cool trick I learned when I had a noisy toddler: turn on the closed captions. ;)

Can someone at E! or Bravo please give Victor a talk show? I would love to hear him trash more people. For real.

So, just curious, what IS a machine gun designed to do?