WHY DOES A CHILD IN 2015 KNOW WHAT CRYSTAL LIGHT IS?

I wonder if they can sue him?

Once again, WHY ARE CHILDREN ON INSTAGRAM???

NO.

I just so happen to have this, if you’d like to watch it over and over again: https://www.whipclip.com/video/bk417

Yes. I may have clapped.

Wow, you guys are not very economical with your finger usage. We do that with half the fingers.

Let’s do A Clockwork Orange situation with this writer, only make him watch Hitch on repeat for 24 hours.

1. Times Live has some serious grammar and punctuation issues.

My husband and I got into record collecting just before the shit went down, and picked up a few of his stand up albums. Never even got a chance to listen to them. They were from a used record store; he didn’t see a dime. But still, I dunno. I don’t think we ever will.

It just means “I’m trying to look edgy and cool, peace.” What does it mean elsewhere?

Seriously. My husband still doesn’t get why a female Ghostbusters is necessary. I told him it’s as if I went into his parents’ attic, found his old action figures, asked if I could play with them, and he slapped them out of my hand and said, “No! You can only use Janine and Dana.” They’re just lying there gathering…

Asylum (season 2) is my favorite, even though Chloe Sevigny is in it and she is the literal worst.

Oh no, I’m two days late, but BE CAREFUL, ADULTOSAUR! Wine and straws can get dangerous FAST. I speak from experience.

He yelled at me for asking a stupid question, but, like, in a nice way? It was scary but still an honor, haha. And he also complimented me so it was okay. I have the recording saved on my phone and will occasionally play the more exciting parts at social gatherings. “Wanna hear JCM yell at me? It’s awesome!”

I feel like any time someone posts photos of Kim Kardashian that are more than 3 years old, that qualifies as shade, as it indirectly calls attention to the fact that she changes faces more often than I change purses. Judge Brown? Yeah or nah?

JCM is genuinely an awesome person. I got to interview him once, and it was AMAZING.

Hey! Where have you been?

Do you guys ever wonder if their relationship is just a really long con? Why would you force someone you love to dress the way he dresses her? Why?

The Poehler/Arnett divorce upset me.