Wait wait, there’s a secret Jez Twitter club? Can @jennsmthngclvr join??

The acid lasted way longer than expected. It was my first day back after the store was remodeled and there were lots of new employees, including a gay manager who made lots of gay jokes that I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to laugh at or not. I went home confused.

More goats for me, then!

But goats!

You have ruined Tom Hanks for me.

^Like this?

BRB taking my phone to Michael’s to frame this comment.

OMG. An 80s-style sitcom about Mark and Allen. Like Perfect Strangers, only they’re not cousins.

“The 10-episode first season”???

He earned so many points with me in season two, when he pulled off an accurate Boston accent, something that many, many actors (including Jessica Lange) are terrible at.

Another thing that’s even worse if you actually have the baby. It’s a god damned carnival of strangers all up in your biz.

I drive Jon Voight’s car.

I was told in my 20s that I should be checked yearly, because I’m pale.

SPF 50+ and a parasol here.

Paula, you know January is on a FOX show, too, right? Also, why is your child’s arts and crafts project attached to your dress?

She’s open about her work. I don’t know what exactly she does, but whenever it’s fresh, she looks a bit off, and then it settles after a couple of weeks and she looks great.

Re: Kylie’s top lip in that pic- where are the people from last week who asked where the people who thought she drew her lips on were? That sentence was rough, but I mean COME ON. LOOK AT THAT TINY LIP.

Like I can understand if the CDC shared that X anonymous students tested positive, to convince him to fucking educate them. But just got tested? None of his damn business.

Related: when I was pregnant, my OB/GYN would begin every appointment by asking my husband how much weight he had gained thus far. #expectantdadbod #dadsneedicecreamtoo #genderequality