I learned learned the hard way not to trust internet medicine,

Bronies.

I KNOW RIGHT?

I would still rather have meth than dental floss.

I have always liked gay people.

I have watched this show since it went on, I already have that novel written. Too bad the Kardashians would never let it see the light of day.

I think we have every boy band to thank for that. Also frosted tips.

Then perform an occult ritual to make my mailman deliver the mail at a less unreasonable hour. I will get the goat for you.

I guess I will not be fitting into my pants come New Year's.

Who gave birth to a basketball and why is a religion not being founded around its miraculous delivery?

That would fit him, but also I think give kinda a big head. I have been calling him Smash, because he is kind of dirty and weird and looks like he got hit by a car.

Cats I think believe that humans are in every way dumber than them. So when I tell this cat (I do not even know his name he is just this wandering drifter) that he can't do something he takes off for a couple days to like punish me.

Consider yourself followed to the bottom of the deep blue sea.

No one understands me like you RegularParrot. You are just a Lochness monster necklace away from owning my heart.

He is the one who told me it would be a bad idea to sign up for Christian Mingles, I was like "but I AM Catholic!" and he was all "let's not kid yourself".

OH GOD THE CUTENESS

Nothing says love like sea monsters . . . .
EXACTLY!

I hope Apple Martin grows up into a secondhand clothes shopper who only eats foods with high fructose corn syrup and wipes her ass with kale. Then she and I can hang out in my garage.

Well at least someone could be trusted not to dribble pudding on their couture. Where is my bib?

SURLY GINGERS ARE THE BEST KIND TO GO AFTER.