The hats are the best part for me really.

I know he is the worst of them, but I got pretty sucked into Mr. Selfridge. It came on after Call the Midwives and every Sunday I was all like "Woo! Bring on the British accents and weird-o hats!".

Taco DiCaprio all like "I would kill to fuck ScarJo", one day when someone says that I hope it literally happens. Like you would kill to fuck ScarJo? ScarJo pops out of nowhere says here is a boxcutter, you have to kill that guy. But you get to fuck me.

If they start shooting the Entourage movie soon, I am going to fucking kill myself.

MorningGloria, please stop insulting my mother, that is very rude. Besides children who were raised by televisions are only slightly clammy and obese, or maybe that is just me.

BUT WHICH CAVEWOMAN HAD DIARRHEA AT BARNES AND NOBLE THAT ONE TIME?

The best part of it is that my face still looks more fucked up the morning after this goes down than either of my jack-o-lanterns. Or jack-off-lanterns, I tried to carve a penis into one of them last year.

I love this so much. I will not be dropping acid and watching Crossroads, but I might huff some glue in my garage and carve some three-week old pumpkins that have been sitting on the front stoop. When I did this last year I thought I was digging thorugh my own brains inside of my decapitated head.

I know right? All the balls want my head. I dunno how many concussions I may have had over the years in physical education, I may be concussed right now.

Please tell me that I am remembering that line from a Kelly video. Because I second it either way.

How much eyeshadow? Just take it from some point in the middle of your face to just under the eyebrows. Also, do not even worry about not having the right color foundation, just go in white-face. Juliann Huff went in black-face so now it's ok. EMPLOYMENT WILL BE ACHIEVED!

Can jock culture be rape culture when all the balls seem to fly at my head? At this point I would prefer the human kind to the non-human kind.

Are you an Asian woman? And a well-tailored attractive one at that? Because otherwise, ONE REQUIREMENT NOT MET.

Another way to get a job is to not be honest in any way at all. Like when someone who potentially could hire you is having really simple technical problems do not say, "the technology is only as effective as the person who operates it". Or when the receptionist asks who ate her Munchkins do not admit that you only…

You should, I mean you met ALL the requirements.

Yea, and fuck you from all the humorless French people who are not French and do not live in France. Or just fuck you.

Oh, I have Googled hard. The Marciano brothers won't know what's hit 'em.

When I weep in a man's arms in Cannes it is because I am in New Haven, and I am usually not weeping, but punching him repeatedly. WHY AM I NOT IN CANNES?

Thank you for telling me this. When I am officially a Guess girl you can come to my introduction party.

I want to be the first ever unattractive Guess girl. Where can I run into Paul Marciano?