Yes, an online challenge that 2,000 people have claimed to participate in will revolutionize the tipping standard to 50%. That’s how things work. 

Totally imagining this in Jimmy Fallon’s Sara (no H) “Ew” voice. 

You’re my kinda people.

Seems like a real minora issue, compared to who drank my damn Diet Coke. 

“I mean, going underwear-free doesn’t mean you have to greet your roommate with your legs spread wide open when they walk in the door.”

From experience I can say that you don’t call them, “Mom.” Just “You”, “Her”, and “My Dad’s Wife”.

Kate should really carp(e) diem and send a pic in if she really wants to accomplish her dreams.

Yes.

This is your brain.

“Maybe we have all had enough of hate, dissent and finger-pointing. It’s exhausting.”

We had a 6-year-old patient this week that came in for the flu shot. The nurse was prepping her arm with the alcohol wipe and the girl kept murmuring: “Use words, not fists. Use words, not fists.” To her credit, the mantra worked. She got one of every temp tattoo AND to DumDums.

Sorry, probably post-Thanksgiving brainfart but I’m not making the connection. Counter-productive how?

“I turned ‘Time’ down because a really prestigious, respected, and totally real magazine in Russia named me ‘Man of All Time’. It’s so elite that I can’t reveal the name to you commoners but believe me, it’s YUGE. And did I mention, totally real?”

omg

1. Pick up shredded, torn wrapping paper from floor until too tired to contemplate de-ornamenting tree.

Nah, dust is just Pleasantville snow.

Tree ghost.

My tree is plastic and needs no water. My efficiency game isn’t just strong, but drought-friendly, too.

My tree has been up year round since 2013. I’m not lazy, I’m efficient.

Shouldn’t the most rudimentary laws of decency dictate that one never take their frustrations out on the hourly employee? Bah, people.