No. You can't make me make a Cry Me a River pun here. I'm not going to stoop to that level.

NOT THE POLISH WEEK I WAS LOOKING FOR ANNA!!!!

• LITERALLY EVERYTHING VASELINE IS THE ULTIMATE PRODUCT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ITS EXISTENCE

Zodiakleo...? Why am I picturing a polyester leisure suit and a comb-over?

not to mention the poster of the yelp review is in the comments and had updated their yelp review to blast kitchenette

Thank you for this.

kitchenette is absolutely the best place to bring assholes out of the greys. and then lambast them.

All of them? Probably all of them.

Confused Elderly Panda is my new band name.

You don't get to go to the theater and hand people your own script.

Two thoughts:

UGH OMG THESE PEOPLE. *head in hands* If the restaurant doesn't have it YOU can't have it. You don't get to go to the theater and hand people your own script.

Adventure: n. 1. an exciting or very unusual experience; 2. two chicken patties interspersed with two fish fillet patties

As a sufferer of Mitchum-Humpsterfumper disease, I resent being alluded to as a fungible yeti. We are each special yeti-snowflakes with special imaginary yeti-afflictions.

"Most of the time she looked like a confused elderly panda, but one day a server accidentally spilled a glass of water in her lap and she stood up and started cursing the server in tongues — I swear she looked like an enraged demon from a Miyazaki film, hair swirls, red eyes, and everything."

THIS IS THE DREAM