I am 100% against the death penalty in any and all cases. That said, the idea that beheading is "barbaric" is just western racism.

I think sometimes abusive parents have a tendency to believe the lies they've told themselves about how wonderful their children's childhoods were. Particularly if their children turned out to be decent adults.

"...each branch comes up with its own criteria for excellence and each nominates its colleagues..."

"Well, I dunno," Williams says, innocently. "You have a crazy-ass job, sir."

human treasure talks to human garbage about non humans, is a treasure, makes garbage mad.

Like special dog, whilst moving.

i cannot explain the strange, upset internal keening sound i am making in my mind right now.

oh god what if the kid got away with like

How can you hate on delivery drivers? They bring HOT DELICIOUS FOOD TO YOUR DOOR you lazy fuck.

First and most importantly, as a former pizza delivery person fuck those cheap entitled assholes.

"....wait, is that an actual law in the Wacky Midwest?"

The world is a cruel place to the lactose intolerant sometimes.

WHY IS NO ONE COMMENTING ON BOOM CHOCOLATTA BEING A HILARIBEST NAME FOR ANYTHING

So spread cookies on some cookies?

Just eat it on the toilet.

There is a sex joke in here some where.

Ben & Jerry's formally declares war on 2015 New Year's resolutions.

Sons of bitches are trying to kill me.