"How were we supposed to know a person sporting the phrase 'DIE TUMOR DIE' had cancer?"

This is Christian Sharknado. With God as my witness this is Christian Sharknado.

OH SWEET HOLY HELL.

OMG ITS FUCKING HERCULES YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

If people remembered how bad the sugar shits were after the fact there would be no sweet cocktails at all. Forgetting is a gift that our brains give us so that we can drink margaritas again.

Exsqueeze me, I don't talk about your private life on here. Please treat me with the same respect/lend me some money, THANKS.

We would have run out of money eventually anyway.

My Russian ancestry demands I vote vodka.

Caffeine vs Xanax, I just can't. ........ its atrocious. ...

Can I be crazy and ask this question—why are we fixated on the forgiveness aspect of this story? She left her baby in a public place where she would be found because she (a rape victim) did not trust her parents enough with the truth. The baby was adopted by loving people who raised her to be the kind of woman who, by…

I can't be a conduit for any Gawker overlords though, because my conduit dance card is already filled being a spiritual vessel for the great Mr. Burt Reynolds.

My name is not "Gawker." It's Rebecca Rose. (You're not even on Gawker. This is Jezebel.) You can call me Rebecca, "Burt" (my nickname )or Ms. Rose, if you're nasty. I believe those videos play sporadically at different times for different people but I do not know since I am not part of that aspect of our blog that…

Erin—Allow me to introduce you to Dede Haislip, a woman married to a man whose internet handle is XgayGreg (yes, he is a pray the gay away type) who not only claimed to be pregnant when she wasn't, but continued insisting this for over 16 months...

Team Cocaine/Champagne!