This page is called "I Thee Dread"... So you have to be prepared for some humour, you know? A little?

I pretend that I know Mark, which is basically knowing Mark, right? Plus he's talking about shopping in my hometown. That's practically like being NEIGHBORS.

NOOOOOO YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!!! *vomits*

This one time, I waited outside a concert venue in the rain for a RIDICULOUSLY long time to get Conor Oberst’s signature. There were maybe 8 people waiting. When he finally came out, he looked at all of us, rolled his eyes, and got onto his bus. Fucking emo kids.

I like to pretend he didn't come up with this idea. Lalalalalalalala!

Choked on my tea.

oh my god, I'm getting married in 3 days and this has literally been the worst wedding planning process on earth. Like, my $4200 designer dress I picked out with my father (that my stepmother promised to purchase but when he died basically told me to fuck myself) absolutely does not fit, because I have a ribcage? Even…

Same here! I can't wait for my honeymoon so Mr Caterpillar and I can NOT have sex in an exotic locale!

“Mystery penis of awesome” is my new band name.

Yeah it's ridiculous. I love iced tea, water, coffee, and iced tea. But give me water any day, I will be perfectly happy. I don't understand how people drink sugar syrup while eating food. Soda makes no sense to me. Except at Taco Bell. I love diet Pepsi with my Taco Bell.

Was overwhelmed, sobbing, hysterical mess, trying to deal with last-minute wedding bullshit in the middle of a tropical rainforest, and I immediately feel better.

All hail Popcorn Santa!

oh my god yes.

WATER IS AMAZING. WATER IS LIFE. I tried to explain to my new physical therapist here in Oz that I drink at least 4-5 litres (yeah, ok, I've been converted to talking about litres and kilograms and other nonsense) and she looked at me like I was insane. Like she couldn't believe anyone would choose to drink that much…

<3 <3 <3 Thanks Poppet. The best part of my tattoo is that I can look down at my left forearm and my parents are there.

She was one of my mum's favorite singers in the world. When my mum died, Joni's music got me through. I brought her music with me around the world, and she made me feel less alone. She is a brilliant, brilliant woman and songwriter and this is devastating.

Blue. River. California. Clouds. Chelsea Morning.

My email is veryhungryjennibeth at gmail dot com.

Lolz

Kitchen for bitches... A bitchin'.