THAT IS CALLED MULTITASKING AND IS BRILLIANT!

I think you can buy it by the gallon from Costco.

All I learned from this is that I need to be more adventurous with my fast food decisions.

I would watch the FUCK out of that.

Literally anything but caffeine.

DICK PICS WILL SAVE THE WORLD.

YUM. Yum is the word you are looking for. *drools*

What in the actual fuck? IS THIS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN?? THESE PEOPLE FUCKING EXIST???

I don't want to live in a world where this story doesn't win EVERYTHING. OMG.

I love you, Burt. YOU ARE MY HERO.

This is absolutely fucking absurd. And terrifying. I can't imagine what I would do in that situation. How hopeless must she feel?

This is the part of wedding planning that scares me the most. I spend most of my time eating whatever the hell I want and looking however the hell I look and not particularly caring about it, but one look at myself in a dress and I'm reminded about toned calves and getting rid of arm flab.

The Valium/Vicodin race is really close. But who in the hell is choosing Advil over the gloriousness that is OxyContin? FUCKING ADVIL, PEOPLE? No. YOU ARE NOT DRUGGING PROPERLY.

I thought it was marijuana that could cure cancer? Damn, I've been using the wrong substance! AGAIN! IT'S A CONSPIRACY!

Thank you! Yes, the job attracts some power-hungry crazy assholes, but most of the TSA agents I have ever come into contact with have been incredibly nice and considerate. Especially when you compare them to other countries (I'm looking at you, Melbourne and Madrid). And it can't be easy having a job where nearly…

My day was bad enough without knowing this. Now I need to drink heavily. DAMMIT.

Fuck, I KNOW. That must be why things worked out with Mr Caterpillar… the dude never went to church, and he lets me sleep in. BECAUSE HE'S SMART AND WANTS TO LIVE.

That is absolutely fucking absurd.

I love this kid. I love this story. And from what I've read, she does quite a few of the designs herself. She's incredibly creative and it's amazing that her mom is so supportive and nurturing.

That's beautiful. I hope I'm doing that well at 97.