I vividly remember the only time I went dress shopping (yes, some straight guys have a sense of style/fashion too and I have a thing for wedding dresses) and was a bit surprised when I didn't get kicked out.

Justin's own interpretation:

This is some damn good Kinja. Some damn, damn good Kinja.

Oh honey, no. No it didn't. I realize you're fully committed to doubling down and continuing to be oblivious, but at some point you'll look back on this exchange and cringe.

I'm a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets.

"They are living, breathing capital letters, walking around with Comic Sans souls and a visible weave."

Back before my face and body submitted to gravity, I spent two years shaking my ass at a relatively 'classy' chain in the south. We had to wear gowns on the floor while cruisin' for customers, and if some of the more *assertive* ladies happened to catch anyone giving extras in the VIP, they would get the shit kicked…

So $800 total instead of $2400?

100 pts. for dr. of prance sans pants.

The perverts up by the stage would be, I suppose, venture fapitalists?

"seasoned clothing-optional gyration specialist." Nicely done Anna. I have a few ideas

I would have stuck my fingers in my vagina and painted fuck you with period blood on the wall, but I'm an animal.

The thing that icks me about Vaseline is that you're rubbing petroleum jelly on your skin; you're literally rubbing an oil derivative on your skin. Also, it supposedly doesn't moisturize your skin. It just gives you a coating to make you think your skin is hydrated when it really is just making you more dry.

But...if I can't join, where else will I be able to have stimulating conversations with men on topics like:

They decided that the sort of retro-class and sex appeal that is associated with the fedora would be imparted on them by simply wearing one.

I will fucking pound your doughy face into a feminist symbol, you sack of shit.

• A rodent's nest with multiple rodents in a plastic-lined box in a cooler that had thawing rib meat on top of melons.

They look nothing alike.

My dog sends you virtual love (he's smiling for you, really smiling, he really does do that)