Call them anyway! Look at how Ben Carson’s appointment to HUD Secretary cruised through committee before the protests coalesced and people got busy. Democrats voted for him, because they didn’t have a million boots up their asses. They can’t be trusted. We are the checks and balances, now.

i’m trying to buy a house right now.

Seriously at this point how the fuck is this real life. It’s too much to absorb. Like my new reality has shifted too quickly and I can’t fucking handle it. If I had the money I seriously would just go and herd cows at this point. The world has gone fucking mad.

Also, I don’t think it’s necessarily worth sticking it to the musicians on this year’s lineup, who 1. likely do not have dealings with Anschutz and 2. have certainly signed their contracts long ago, the violation of which would likely lead to legal ramifications. Don’t go vilifying Beyoncé or Kendrick or Lorde etc,…

Wait also, why does the ship have all these fancy amenities if the passengers are in hibernation the entire time? Do they have bartenders and restaurants and entertainment just in the off-chance an idiot wakes up too soon? Wouldn’t the passengers just wake up when they get to the planet? Jesus, the mystery of this…

One in hole!

You speak the truth. I don’t even find her annoying, I feel like she’s like an awesome rich aunt who is always on a nice xanax / reisling combo and can cook like a motherfucker.

They’re so good that I’ll suck my own dick to completion?

A real American would know that.

Anyway, if I’m putting any antlers on the table, they’re gonna be real. None of these poseur antlers for me. I’m taking down Bambi’s mom and then making her head the centerpiece of my turkey dinner.

Ina Garten may be annoying as fuck, but her recipes more than make up for the whimsy. We’ve got a few of her cookbooks, and most dishes will make your mouth cream your jeans.

Dear Ina,

He got all huffy.

I legitimately think that Dusty Rose is the name of the Mary Kay Cadillac color. I’m not going to google it because Idon’t want to be proven wrong.

Congratulations to Nate, who will receive a leftover Deadspin Awards trophy and the chance to face Deadspin staffers in daily fantasy.

Diner: “Can I have the double bacon cheeseburger, fries, beer and the injured player walk-through special please.”

Waiter: “Would you like the special teams player injury or can I interest you in upgrading to a starter?”

Guys come on! It’s true.

CJ has always been a nasty bitch and her “column” is usually just mean garbage. She’s tried to take down Jana before too (who is one of Minneapolis’ best reporters).