i’m trying to buy a house right now.

Seriously at this point how the fuck is this real life. It’s too much to absorb. Like my new reality has shifted too quickly and I can’t fucking handle it. If I had the money I seriously would just go and herd cows at this point. The world has gone fucking mad.

Oh fucking fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck Trump. Fuck anyone who voted for him. I don’t give a shit if you like to hear it, Trump voters. You just steered our country directly toward the pits of hell, and if your feelings are hurt by me telling you that, good. Maybe you will think next time you vote instead of pulling the…

Also, I don’t think it’s necessarily worth sticking it to the musicians on this year’s lineup, who 1. likely do not have dealings with Anschutz and 2. have certainly signed their contracts long ago, the violation of which would likely lead to legal ramifications. Don’t go vilifying Beyoncé or Kendrick or Lorde etc,…

Wait also, why does the ship have all these fancy amenities if the passengers are in hibernation the entire time? Do they have bartenders and restaurants and entertainment just in the off-chance an idiot wakes up too soon? Wouldn’t the passengers just wake up when they get to the planet? Jesus, the mystery of this…

One in hole!

can tell him they are the nuke launch keys. solve to yuuge problems at once

“These keys look yuuge in my hands!”

8 years? You are seriously delusional.

I maintain hope that the thousands of faceless bureaucrats that quietly keep the government functioning will keep the country running despite the new administration.

just give him some plastic keys and he’ll lose interest

This is what battles tyranny: ordinary people, alone or in their millions, simply saying NO.

Inject needle - extract DNA - fill in gaps with frog DNA - billions.

You speak the truth. I don’t even find her annoying, I feel like she’s like an awesome rich aunt who is always on a nice xanax / reisling combo and can cook like a motherfucker.

They’re so good that I’ll suck my own dick to completion?

Ina Garten may be annoying as fuck, but her recipes more than make up for the whimsy. We’ve got a few of her cookbooks, and most dishes will make your mouth cream your jeans.

Dear Ina,