.... by Peyton Manning

Torn ligaments? I guess you might say his shoulder is in less than Burfict shape.

Things to Do in Denver When Your Throwing Shoulder Is Dead

I feel bad for the guy. He didn’t know his character was bantha doo doo when he signed up to play him.

I guess he and the NFL rule book are Burfict strangers.

Does Kanye suck now? Did Kanye always suck? If not, why does he suck now? What ruined him? Was it fatherhood? Was it Kim? Was it Tyga? Is this shit going to be on the new album? Is there even a new album? If so, do I even want it?

I’ve argued that, actually, Kanye’s a better lyricist than Kendrick Lamar.

Christ, just cause you’re really good at these extremely difficult panda puzzles doesn’t mean you need to be a dick about it.

That’s a polar bear you dunce.

Looks like some heavy bertations, or even darrisons.

Sikh and Islam are completely different religions which aren’t remotely related to each other. It’s like racists aren’t even trying to educate themselves anymore.

Why clone? I’m pretty sure Adam Sandler can pump out one shitty Adam Sandler movie every day.

Why couldn’t Netflix use the money they spent on Adam Sandler to make a lot of these?

If “gastrointestinal problems” are the only symptoms of E.Coli, Chipotle has given it to me for years now

Oh, one last thing - I do require access to computer facilities in order to complete my work assignments.

My fees? Quite reasonable. I require one sunbeam and exactly two belly rubs per day.

A copy of my resume? But of course! Here you are: