Ban all guns. Make them illegal to posses. Getting caught with one is an automatic jail sentence. This nonsense has gone on for too long. This amendment was authored by people who were okay with slavery. It does not, and should not, translate to 2015 America

Colleague: More wood?

“I had too much to drink and sent inappropriate texts... I behaved badly towards nice people...I’m embarrassed and I apologize... I honestly can’t remember half of it but that’s no excuse.”

ok fuck this noise i’m seeing this in the theaters.

The best part is AJ looking up at the umpire in disbelief after not getting the call.

Hahahahaha! That’s funny.

“PC LOAD LETTER? What the fuck does that mean?”

He was provoked when, after asking where one could get a cheesesteak with Swiss, hitchBOT casually mentioned that Donovan McNabb got a raw deal from the fans.

Alright, so it’s a white guy in an Eagles jersey wearing giant cargo shorts from 1998 and sneakers with high socks. That narrows it down to about 90% of the male population in South Philly.

I’m 38, so I must’ve watched this with my friends when I was 18. Two things still really stand out for me: the first being that we were initially kind of rooting for the skateboarders against the shit-talker, and then the suddenness and over-the-top nature of the violence just silenced the whole room. The other is…

Um, hello. Organic unicorn farts, and free-range angel tears.

Bear in mind the pain of that burn the next time you think you can prevent the flu with yak testicles or whatever you idiots believe nowadays.

I used Alba’s sunscreen and I got a sunburn.

This is particularly funny because, even by the standards of the “chemicals are scary” crowd, there’s nothing terribly “artificial” about zinc oxide. Zinc is a mineral, it's mined out of the ground, either as metallic zinc or as a component of various ores. You heat it up until it vaporizes, and it reacts with oxygen…

OWWAAHH VAAWMIT IS BETTAH THAN YOURAAAHH VAAWMIT!!

Even the guy in the Eagles shirt is disgusted with this behavior. He would have also puked on the people around him.