And they’re generally less shitty.

At least colonoscopies have a clear beginning, middle and end.

I bet his children are ashamed of their Disney villain piece of shit dad. I hope he knows that.

*reads article*

I kept scrolling and it wouldn’t stop. Thought maybe I was dead and in purgatory.

I almost broke my eyes doing this.

See username

“Life is short. Have an affair.”

On the other hand, that’s a great alibi.

Ugh hackers raised by single lonely parents are the worst. Your unhappy mother/father would have left eventually either way... taking down a website doesn’t change that.

Just wait until the Thruway Authority gets wind of this, there’ll be an EZ-Pass kiosk every 20 feet.

Never heard of it.

The good news is, if you fell over the edge, just spin. You’d land in the water. It’s called the Magnus effect.

That would be H2O2.

“Why do you have the #28 in roman numerals on your shoulder?”

“It’s how many men I’ve killed.”

Maybe she just really likes superoxide radicals.

“I was with Liam [Hemsworth]’s family and everybody was getting tattoos and I was like, well, I’m always gonna need to be hydrated so I guess I should get H2O on my hand.”

Because she will always need to be hydrated. And this will remind her. Next question.

She should get, “I should’ve Googled it before getting it tattooed on my body forever,” tattooed on her body forever.

No. 11 Saying "Can I go to the bathroom?" when you should be saying "May I go to the bathroom?" Screw you Mrs. Smith. I'm 7. If you don't let me go to the bathroom then I physically can not go there. Now may I pee my pants because I got to listen to this boring lesson on subtraction? End rant.