“I was informed that it had been sent back because the drink was “too cold.” For those who may not be bar savvy, this would be the equivalent of sending a bowl of soup back to the kitchen for being too hot.”

“What’s the difference between the chicken and the turkey?”

Hahahahaha, oh Brayden, darling, did you read that delightful new Bruce Williams column in the daily print out of the internet that one of our several butlers brought us this morning?

And you can’t beat the price per hamster, even if you have to throw a couple of them out.

So if someone who is red-allergic breeds with someone who is green-allergic, are their kids colorblind?

He also used to drive 100 mph on the LBJ Ranch while drinking a beer.

Sadly they stopped publishing the print edition of Jane’s Fighting Douches in 2005 when it went online and behind a paywall. I mean I can see why, the last edition ran to 20 volumes and they still had to publish 4 supplements that year to cover all the new developments in douchebaggery.

Please. This is more pathetic SJW nonsense. Racing is about testing human excellence, and racing babies is not a test of that. People want to watch the best athletes compete, and the best athletes are fully grown humans. Want proof? Not a single baby plays on an major professional sports team. World track and field…

You should ckeckout Wimbledon. Everyone plays on Grass

“...and demanded that all women who had ever had an abortion be immediately impregnated to make up for it were he elected President..”

Is this about Grandpa Gooby?

Right. Stigmata. Just like I immediately thought “Ebola.”

I think we can all agree that the discovery of a meth lab in a Taco Bell was more of an inevitability than anything else.

What if the Republicans dressed as the cast of Cats during the debate? Lindsay Graham’s “Memory” would bring the house down and you know it.

This is the second most offensive thing I’ve ever read on Gawker Media.

You are not mediocre ;)