You can’t do anything at all or they won’t lay their eggs. I once spent all night in the dark, in a vigil waiting for sea turtles to come lay their eggs. We were pretty far, with binoculars, and we still didn’t freaking move or make a sound or turn on a light or anything at all, or it spooks them.

Don’t fuck with sea turtles trying to lay their eggs, assholes.

Football is basically organized child abuse.

That’s sweet because he had already bought the ring. In this case, the guy went out and bought one after she died. And then posted a picture of it on her hand. Her dead hand. There’s something off about that.

I will take both. Can never have enough black sheath dresses.

Practice

I have a cross stitch sign in my bathroom that says “Please don’t do coke in the bathroom.”

I’m so done with people.

MIL gives me more of a “Oh shut up! Who cares?!” response but she’s a “vitrol c***” (my SO’s word for his own mother so that really puts it in perspective) and there’s NEVER any winning with this woman. I’ve vented about her on other Jez articles and I always hope I can find an angle someone else has used that would…

Raises slightly guilty hand, 9 out 10 at least. Yours is definitely the better plan though I’m sure my skin wold be better if I didn’t.

I’ve beens stockpiling makeup since I left Sephora, and when my Sephora girls dump a new gratis bag on my lap, I don’t want a single one of those beautiful products to go to waste because I didn’t use them quickly enough. A bin in my fridge looks like a forgetful airline traveler passed through looking for a place to…

I think a lot of powder products are fine to hold onto as long as you’re washing your brushes and keeping them away from moisture. Lipsticks, creme blushes and eyeliner are where you start wading into germy territory. But, if you’re suddenly breaking out and can’t figure out why- expired product is most likely the…

Not your boss, no. Close colleague who you now consider a friend, sure. But still not in front of others, at the office.

Puffy sleeves!

*whispers* I don’t really like it...It’s ugly...

Women wanted eight more minutes of foreplay and seven more minutes of intercourse

NO SINGIN

Holy hell that website is extremely difficult to navigate on a phone ! Anyone want to help a sister out and post a picture of the finished dress? :/