Exactly. This knife could have ‘I did it. Love, The Juice’ engraved on it and it is still worthless as evidence. Even dead Johnny Cochran could get this thrown out from the grave.

I tried Lord of the Flies. It was bullshit. All about some kids’ beach vacation. No lords or flies anywhere.

Wendy’s only place is in the garbage, which is where your garbage opinion of her belongs.

Marry Kanye. Fuck Shkreli. Kill Trump.

People don’t have the self restraint to boycott something even when it’s an important issue, they aren’t going to give up their Apple products because this Oompa Loompa who mutated and escaped the confines of the Chocolate Factory wants some press.

Well, I can see why they all cheated on you.

I realized that I didn’t want to look like Pearl, I just wanted to fuck her and him.

This happened in Beckley, WV and is verifyable if you Google hard enough.

Also, he claims to be 5'8". I’m 5'10" and towered over the fucknut. No way he is the height he claims to be. Fitting. Nothing about this guy is truth.

This wasn’t a wild turkey, but friends of my family had a small turkey farm when I was a kid. They would slaughter the young turkeys for thanksgiving, but one year, one of the baby turkeys turned out to be a young hulk turkey - simply too big to kill, as there wasn’t any point. No one would buy a turkey who wouldn’t…

The water at my old house was so hard it carried a switchblade :)

As a cereal lover, I could be into this. It makes me miss the little license plates that would come in the boxes of Honeycombs back in the day.

Aaron’s getting the neck tattoo because he’s starting a concrete pouring business and moving to an unincorporated part of Riverside County, and he needs to look the part.

“MP Detained Under Section 2 of Mental Health Act Following Ridiculous Gun Tweet- He’d Been At the Sherry And Rewatching The Sopranos Reveals Embarrassed Wife.”

My aunt threw away my starter.

My favorite was “the government won’t let it fail!”

Ah, you rolled off of your sister long enough to internet. Good for you, Cletus.

Honestly, those self-indulgent bits are usually my favorite parts of his books.

I like those two bits and yes I know they are so stupid. So so stupid. You are probably right about it being a habit. I’ve been listening for at least 15 years, I was bummed about Lisa being let go but I am really liking Allie.