The HAWTNESS keeps you warm

The shitty writing in Hallmark Original Movies© extends to the titles? YOU DON’T SAY.

Not enough stars

He totally did it. His name is “Kash,” FFS. 

Of course he is.

“McKrae Game?” Well, he’s already got his screen name for when he moves into porn.

Sight and hearing are the least of this kid’s problems; his liver and kidneys are probably shot and his cholesterol level must be around 1,100+. Also, his mom sounds a bit thick.

LULZ

That Obituary is why Newspapers should hire a Copy Editor or Proofreader. To prevent reader-Submitted text from Going live. With sentence fragments and Superfluous initial Caps.

LASER FOCUSED ON SPROTS

It’s like the school valedictorian that gets paralyzed by a drunk driver the summer before starting medical school, except the Bills are the drunk driver.

Yes, that’s exactly what I said: “Only first-class passengers get to take their shoes off during flights.” Except, you know, not. Rich people’s feet are just as gross as yours, but hey, you keep right on STICKING IT TO THE MAN with your in-flight refusal to conform to society’s arbitrary rules — so punk rock. 

Also, the airplane’s BATHROOM seems like it would be the filthiest place in the entire plane, and you run the risk of stepping/standing in urine (or worse) while you try to do the yoga master posing required to change into your socks/house slippers combo.

Regardless, I’m with everybody who says just keep your shoes on.…

Forgot the most important part: Drop the mic once you finish.

He’s drunk. Or not drunk enough?

Especially if it’s the biker gang.

Would’ve gotten away with too, if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids.

Guessing that Paul Blart here has applied to multiple law enforcement agencies throughout the region and $27.5K/year rent-a-cop was the best he could manage for ... reasons.

Real cop comes in and he’s BLACK? Beta boi forgot that 45-minute training session he had and let his fee-fees get the best of him.

Gonna go out on a limb here and assume that this dude will cheerfully, proudly and repeatedly call the police if his neighbors have a party or if he thinks they’re playing music too loud.

I like the way he pauses to admire his handiwork before running to first. That’s some mighty solid sociopathing there, kid.

“YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, SPIDER-CREATURE! No, literally.”