He traveled.

I have never sent a shirtless photo to a woman I did not want to have sex with because that would be weird and creepy and absolutely signal that I wanted to have sex with them.

Tough decision. His heart is between a rock and a hard place.

Reminds me of when Kentucky’s coach had to grab the mic and tell the couple fucking in the bleachers “quit, cousins.”

MORE JETER ASS-EATING ARTICLES!

Somebody needs to be taken Outback and shot.

The fact that I didn’t think of that, well, I’m disappointed in my self. I let my fellow commenters down, I let Deadspin down.

*butt in reverse

So he’s like Mark Sanchez but in reverse.

I disliked this film when I saw it on Saturday. Now, with some time to reflect, I’m really hating it. Who was Snoke? Fuck you, it doesn’t matter. Who’re Rey’s parents? Screw off, it’s irrelevant. Here’s some wacky hijinks at an interstellar casino, suck it up and enjoy that, you dipshit Star Wars fan.

That’s why it’s called “clickbait”.

It’s obvious from the photograph that he has way too much time.

Having to admit you’re a Florida Man seems like the real tragedy here.

If you put $5,000 into a humor detector on January 1, 2017, then you’d be able to comprehend the meaning behind my comment today. Have fun with that knowledge.

I freakin love this performance. So much energy!

“For the record, I had nothing to do with that.”

Make up your damn minds people. I can only cancel/uncancel this Papa John’s order so many times.

Boy it’s a good thing the Broncos didn’t win a Super Bowl 21 months ago, otherwise these complaints would sound really fucking stupid.

The NCAA would like a word.

RETREAT MODE