Yes, there are no stories topping this one today! It’s peppered with joy and the good will is just mushrooming up from it. And that last line about being a pizza man was pretty saucy.

I love her name. None of that Pookie Num-Num kind of shit for her.

Their paychecks probably have “mistakes” too. “Oh, you worked 20 hours more than we paid you for...again? Sorry....”

Interesting how these innocent “mistakes” are never for a lower-than-marked price, eh? NEVER NEVER EVER.

Wow, what happy, pretty, lucky kitties! It was so good of you to take them both, though for sure a cat is its own reward and two can definitely entertain each other and spare the household goods a bit. Still many people wouldn’t have done it.

He is (has to be) part Maine Coon, and the fluffiness is to die for. In Phoenix where we live so much fur can be a little warm for both of us (111 degrees today), but thank God there is central air conditioning.

I had a cat who wanted to eat any kind of string or wire she could find. I don’t know how she didn’t die of an obstruction.

Well, I guess I let my cat sleep with me too, it just seemed like a dumb question for the doctor to ask. How do you stop a cat from sleeping with you? You shut the door? Oh, HA HA HA HA, non-cat-owning doctor, sure, the cat will not scratch on the door and howl, literally for hours, until you open it, OR the cat will…

All the torties I’ve known were super-smart and In Charge. My sister once had a cat named Portia who looked much like your Bossy and was about the same size (she looks small from here), and she terrorized any dog that dared to walk by her front yard. Dogs would run by the house, not walk. If she caught one she would…

I was thinking that too. I only have one cat right now and he is very sweet and cute and just a little dumb and he rarely destroys anything important or brings something unspeakable into bed. He just does the standard cat things; he’s the most “normal” cat I’ve ever had (which makes him abnormal?) I was feeling a…

I like it myself, but I’ve never assaulted anybody for it. Really only cheese and cheese-flavored products are worth hurting people for.

Guessing if you had Carmen Sandiego stuffed up your ass it would actually take a few minutes to extract her (for both her sake and yours).

You deserve this.

Yeah, or they could have just brought a gun and waved it at people at the tables until someone left. That’s how real Americans do it. It also works at emergency rooms to get ahead of all those assholes with bleeding head wounds and heart attacks. Just being resourceful!

Oh, man, though, she had such beautiful opportunities (could she but take them) of making jokes about “Cracker” Barrel. Like, “they really dug y’all out of the bottom of the Barrel, huh?”

I think probably they just don’t have any friends.

You gotta wonder if Caramel Woman could actually send herself to the hospital. I mean here is a 63-ounce (four pounds!) container you can order from Amazon. Per one of the reviews, “It really is the exact same line of syrup that Starbucks uses. They even say so on their website.”

You know you can’t let cats have cooked chicken bones, right? They can splinter and stick in their throats or digestive tracts. I realize in this story you didn’t “let” the cat have the bones. It’s like when an allergist asked me if I “let” my cat sleep with me. I said no, never, he just does it anyway.

But seriously, you win. Not hitting the cat at that point means you are officially a saint.

That must have been a hell of a way to wake up. It’s better than half a semi-dead lizard or snake, which some of my childhood cats used to bring into bed with me, or the fully-live giant moth they brought my sister. But still. Frozen shrimp are not what a person expects in bed unless his/her partner has been reading…