My cat ignored that thing like it was invisible. I sprayed it with catnip liquid, put his treats on it, tried playing with the cat dancer thing (which he loves, by the way) all around and over it—NOTHING. Why are cats not only super weird but super weird in different ways so you can’t predict which ones will like what?

Context is important, of course. Everybody has different aspects of their identity so if someone is famous for being a basketball star it makes no sense in most cases to refer to them by their religion. But if it is a relevant point and it doesn’t put the person in any danger, why not? My point is that we actually…

Well, be thankful she didn’t take bath salts. With that cut-out mouth she could have eaten someone’s face.

...did their brains ever come out through their mouths?

I don’t see anything any more wrong about that than saying “a Christian” or “a Hindu.” They are not religious epithets or anything. People historically may have sometimes used those terms as insults (as they have “Christian,” i.e., cretin, which originally just meant a Christian). But there’s nothing actually wrong…

Yeah, and that tends to happen only once. You don’t accidentally fire at people 15 times.

Not wanting to call someone a Jew or a Mexican makes it seems like you think there’s something wrong with being one. Like you think those are derogatory terms. Would you have trouble calling someone from Russia a Russian, or someone from Germany a German? Or someone from Guatemala a Guatemalan?

“I’m totally racist, but my homicidal impulses are purely political! For the race stuff, I just like to harass people and beat them up.”

It seems to me more like a grammar issue, frankly, which somehow has morphed into a disrespectful way of speaking. It’s fine to say “a Christian,” “a Jew,” “a Muslim,” “a Mexican,” “an Asian,” “a Caucasian”—because all those are nouns. “A white” or “a black” sounds hinky because those are really adjectives. So “a…

I was dating what seemed like a very nice guy, and I mentioned that I taught for a federal program to help low-income and underrepresented high school students succeed in college. He said, “oh, you mean they’re minorities, but they’re smart?” He never could understand what I didn’t like about that. He could not…

...or an alligator.

The most amazingly fucked-up thing about this is that this is an educational institution. This is what children are learning about how people who don’t have money should be treated. That it’s a fireable offense to help them. That children should not have food if their parents can’t pay. The poor kids are learning it,…

In case you see any of the undeserving poor, you can pass this along to them.

I would like to see the video of someone putting them in those pajamas. I can’t imagine it’s a pretty process.

No, you read that in Cosmo, I think. Put a pipe cleaner up his ass at the same time! You’re so daring; he’ll love it!

Or what if you’re naked together in the living room, sitting on the couch? WHAT THEN, DR. RUTH?

And of course a really advanced girl will do both at once. Surprise!

You are only saying that because your brain has not yet flown out of your penis (I can tell because you can still type and form words and stuff). Your brain is much like a flying monkey and your penis is the Wicked Witch of the West, and once the monkeys take off, the will of the Witch is going to get done. So, um,…

It does, sort of:

None of you commented on the fact that the homophobic principal’s name is BJ. Come on, that was an easy one!