That stock photo looks like Joe Paterno and Patton Oswalt had a constipated, middle-aged son.

I hear they give you a full year off in Philadelphia.

Did you go to Bagel Bites Prep?

Side trivia: Totino-Grace has the name thanks to massive (and I mean massive) financial contributions by the founders of Totino’s pizza. As such many students at Totino-Grace were fed just absolute shitloads of Totino’s Party Pizza. As such many graduates of Totino-Grace absolutely hate Totino’s Party Pizza.

Jack could use a shoulder to cry on because that bat is fucking glued to one of his.

People on twitter criticizing this can eat my entire asshole.

Yeah who doesn’t know about the Mid-American Confernce...idiots

It seems like he’s doing pretty OK for himself.

Only 14 players from the team were planning on coming anyways, so the President thought it would be better to cancel.

Marc-André Fleury is also guaranteeing that the Golden Knights will not be visiting the White House either.

Okay anyone out there suffering: please get help. You can text LISTEN to 839863. You can call 1-800-273-8255 i8f you are going through any kind of crisis This happens to be our local Reno office and I feel confident they are highly trained in helping LGBTQ people, veterans, domestic violence, and sexual assault…

You have no idea the levels of fuckery it takes to make me side with the Fucking Eagles, but by god, Donny Boy has done it.

Slight correction - 2010 Lakers fans ARE current day Warriors fans.

The Warriors have to have the most annoying fans ever. 2010 Lakers fans are close.

The saddest part is that he will be able to recall each of these moments perfectly for the rest of his life. Meanwhile J.R. Smith can’t remember the score for more than three seconds.

The 2018 Cavs in a nutshell

Holy cow, it’s Hinkie.

Bryan Colangelo being taken down by advanced statistical analysis of his burner Twitter accounts is possibly the best example of poetic justice that I have encountered in my life.

This is terrible for this man and other people like him, but the problem isn’t with Uber, it’s that a medallion is $700k. This artificial economy has always been problematic. There are also issues with ride sharing, but the answer lies somewhere in the middle, not protecting this outdated system.

“In an altered paranoid state, believing ordinary citizens were government officials that were tracking him and recording him.”

I could see how this would be difficult for someone so used to going...
*Puts on shades*
unnoticed.