The witness statement in the police report explains it pretty clearly: “hands, touching hands, reaching out, touching me, touching you”

I’m more amazed that someone recognized Chad Kelly.

One of the residents hit him with an aluminum vacuum tube.

Don’t you worry about that technician, I guarantee you that United Airlines will hire him (given that his hourly rates just dropped). 

That is a great idea. It’s good for the airlines because they can count on an established name to provide quality content, and it’s good for Netflix because it’ll allow the few people who still aren’t subscribers the chance to try out the service and potentially sign up for it when they land.

I blame the injury on the airbag not deploying during the Carr crash.

I have a feeling that these fine upstanding gentlemen are not entirely unfamiliar with what to do with items of value that just happen to have fallen off the back of a truck.

Way to stick the landing!

Adrian Peterson told reporters, “That was a new one for me. It was different.”

I’m going to dismantle your incredibly misinformed, boneheaded assumptions with links and facts. Not to say Musk shouldn’t be called out on his dumbass Twitter comments, he absolutely should, but at least make your arguments factually correct.

What are they going to do when it snows?

An Intrepid in white makes it look like you bought your car from Hertz.

What a hypocrite. He’s been stretching that shirt out for YEARS. 

How about DO NOT BE A SHITTY PARENT?

no fuck you you sick fuck for wishing death on someone who was legally obligated to report someone who was not in this country legally. Why not blame the pizza place that gave him a job in the first place? Hmmm but yes blame the Military for following the law rather than being court marshaled.  

No, that’s pizza sclerosis.

I thought “fried rice syndrome” was an addiction to fried rice. Because I have that.

Can’t get in trouble if you are adding -er, -y or -s to a last name.

You can probably vacuum enough coke residue from the interior to by a new plane.