Whoa! Let's not jump to conclusions. Not all Ravens are wife beaters and murderers.

Costello: [head explodes]

The lights will probably be dimmed when Charles Barkley passes. Mainly because they won't be able to pay the electric bill.

Eddie Murphy, I realize, is not like the rest of us. Eddie does not need the laughs.

"I vividly remember facing off against Vince Carter in college, truly epic games."

Woman: [gets hit]
Woman: [gets hit]
Woman: [gets hit]
Woman: [gets hit]
Woman: [looks behind to see a trail of toppled hurdles]

Yeah well I doubt God created you to jump over fences for a living, but here you are.

I'm surprised Jones said anything at all, she has built a reputation on being notoriously tight-lipped.

My heart goes out to everyone involved in this tragic story.

Man, this guy sure could use a Union right about now.

That's backwards. We ain't you because we hate you.

Actually he was a dentist. Chelsea fans, having never seen one up close, were understandably frightened and confused.

As if the world needed another reason to hate Chelsea fans.

The Big Ten should've said they were slap-slap-slapping the coach with a fine, then the State College community would've ignored it.

This fine stems from the game during which the Paterno-apologist fanbase chanted "No Means No" at an opposing player, you can't expect them to understand nuance or reason.

Walker, Ex's Anger.

Lawrence Taylor: How old are you?

"Actually, analytics refers to a type of bug that lives in your butt."

Don't tase me doe!