wait, you recorded a widescreen television in portrait mode?

"Just got great news; am going to be involved in an exciting new Apple product called the Human Centipad."

Ohh, how wrong you are.

This might be first real life situation that's impossible to porn parody.

Untrained assassin Tony Stewart, Busch's NASCAR colleague, had no comment when asked about the case.

Been there brotha. I tried for two years with my girl, but she always claimed the ass is sin.

The unequivocal answer to that question is that it makes you the most punchable.

Thanks for giving me a reason to think about this goal again.

It's a good thing Konrad had been a Dolphin. If he had been a Jet, they'd probably still be looking for him.

Greg Howard said something mean to me today, so it could have been him.

Every week becomes more embarrassing as a Bears fan. It's only going to get worse when we announce John Fox as our head coach.

"YOU ALL CAN CALL ME MOZILLA FROM NOW ON BECAUSE I JUST HAD TO FIRE FOX."

Denver needs to win a superbowl before Elway starts this sort of self aggrandizing talk. He's clearly putting the cart before himself.

Did Bloomberg accidentally refer to the Nets as a "marquee franchise?"

He can net a huge profit from his short lived Nets tenure. We shall call him Deron Williams!

Not nothing. There was a whole lot of grandstanding.

Absofuckinglutely. I get the feeling they still don't really understand what the problem is, just like the NFL doesn't really know why the public is so upset with Ray Rice or Adrian Peterson. They just know that people are unhappy for some reason and they are trying to appease them so they will buy more jerseys.

So, essentially the NCAA went from flirting with the death penalty to pretty much nothing.