A-Rod thought the added weight would help lower his suspension.

Suspension or no suspension, he doesn't seem to be missing any plate appearances.

a roster that includes five pro Bowlers.

HOW DO I LOOK IN THESE??!!

Walmart Greeter: Welcome to Walmart!

When...the ball hits your glass

You can't really blame Amare- where there's tits and drinks, there's usually JR Smith.

In trying to determine who drew a dick on their new mascot, the team immediately ruled out ex-manager Dusty Baker, as that would require him to use his pen.

Cubs Intern: Ummm Mr. Green, I think there is something you need to see.

From Negative to Despicable: A History of the Chicago Cubs

The 49ers do very well with Sacrament-0 folks.

Church? No time for church! I have to go see a Sunday morning event at a taxpayer-subsidized structure where everyone chants songs together, drinks cheap wine, and worships a miraculous holy man who got needles stuck in him.

"You want Mario gone? Get in line."