I see what you did their?

Let he who has not said “Wait, it’s Tuesday? Ah, fuck, I thought it was Thursday. Fuck this, I’m here, but there’s no way I’m doing dick today.” cast the first stone.

Now I wanna name my phone Glamorous Glennis.

Cheesebutt, crab leg. Dudes a loaf of monkey brains away from being a complete meal.

Okay, I want the other team to win the basketball Super Bowl. 

damn...

His dad played baseball once. You pathetic Westerners blamed the Soviets for Sputnik.

Clearly the problem is an overabundance of black bile. I prescribe one teaspoon of quicksilver per day, until his four humors return to harmony.

I’ll be damned if Hinkie doesn't look like fat Jared Kushner.

+1 disease

I imagine she was pushing for hero pieces on the brave National Guardsmen keeping Ohio colleges safe.

Where are the James Holzhauers of yesteryear?

Sorry:

Any restaurant that substitutes “z” for “s” is full of assholes, and salmonella.

Dave Kingman approves this message.

He has, however, gotten fucked on three separate occasions by the design of Tropicana Field, named for Tropicana Products, who are most known for bottling orange juice.

This'll be less poignant when he's traded at the deadline.

Look at that smug sonofabitch, smiling and high fiving. Act like you've been there before, Wehner.

How the wheelchair kid from Degrassi isn't being reminded of where he came from every day, I'll never understand.

Is that Sidd Finch?