Do you use this often, or do you have some crazy eidetic memory? Either way, excellent reference.

I’m always amazed at teammates that go to bat for fuckheads who do shit like that. You spear a guy in the face like that? Fuck you, you're on your own.

Has to have something in it for an injury to happen.

He floated that out like a local mayor tossing out the first pitch.

Yikes.

It’s cool that it worked, but why the fuck was he allowed to do this? 

I’m just happy to have read some of your work without needing time in a dark room to gather my thoughts before rejoining the normal world, Diana. 

It may not be the answer to the question asked, but it’s always the correct answer.

And he really did nail it, in that case.

Wrong head.

It tasted like a fermented can of creamed corn.

Seriously, that’s the most saccharine thing that’s ever been written at Deadspin, and also by far the most frightening. Get well Drew.

I was thinking the same thing. Maybe turning your player's legs to paste on their days off doesn't help 

Ugh, forgot about Teddy. Hill is the 3rd stringer. I’m a dummy

a backup to Drew Brees’s backup.

The trouble with being a great pinch hitter is that, by definition, you were on the bench. Not the most ringing endorsement when you put it in context.

#helmetsareforhitting

This is much better than the casting couch joke I don't want to make.

I’m shocked, shocked! that he can’t count.

Which likely means that Embiid is unhappy with the recent addition of a noted shithead to the locker room.