Potemkin commitments

What kind of monster eats a rooster?

And even though he’s standing next to you, looking at you, and pissing on your foot instead of in the urinal, he’s somehow not actually talking to you when he says it.

Sam Darnold is clearly Syndrome:

I made the mistake of meandering over to Ed’s twitter feed. Gotta give him credit, he’s really good at doubling down on being a condescending prick.

That’s awesome! I let mine watch The Iron Giant, and now he references everything as “big scary robot [fill in the blank]”

Filed under: isms, subset, whatabout.

Had a chance to go to game 163 in 2009, when the Twins won in extras over the Tigers. My buddy and I had gone to a bunch of games at the old Metrodome for the last season before the team moved to Target Field. He went and bought two tickets, then brought his girlfriend instead. He kept texting me pictures from his…

My 2-year-old son fucking loves that scene from Planet Earth. He may be a serial murderer when he grows up...

Jake’s list of tweets indicates that he should maybe shift the dial from “I don’t learn” to “I can’t learn”

The Browns are to sucking as Belichick is to hating. 

Crapshoot implies some measure of chance. Calling the police when you’re black is like rolling dice, and putting all your money on “not getting shot” on rolling a 13.

I’d like to subscribe to your poorly xeroxed newsletter.

Pictured: Crossfit dad at your local LA Fitness.

The platonic ideal of the Undeservedly Smug Face.

The arrest is too much, but sending some dipshit who’s so blotto that he doesn’t know a cop car from a cab to the drunk tank for the night? Maybe not the worst idea...

It’s all a grand, dick-swinging competition, where the winner wins, the loser wins, and anyone not playing the game gets fucked.

I almost forgot “Negro” is the proper terminology for a Negroid human. There are only 3 races scientifically speaking, Caucasian, Negroid, and Asian. If someone finds any of these terms offensive they’re just being ridiculously dim and should not be taken seriously.

Update, 2:04 p.m. ET: Nibali has been taken to the hospital with a suspected vertebrae fracture.