Was walking my dog around Lake of the Isles, and it was a fucking weed fog. Now, the average home valuation there is around $1.5 million. Weird that the police have no issue with it happening there...

When I was a kid, my dad was on the local Rotary club. They had adopted a stretch of highway that ran through the city, but none of the rich assholes in the club actually wanted to do any of the cleanup work. My dad volunteered to coordinate the efforts, and brought my brother and me along to clean up. Often it was…

I immediately thought of Hicks. I also remember how badly his career was botched in Minnesota.

“Incredibly, neither man left the game”

Sometimes a little double entendre is all you need to get through the day.

I was unaware that CrossFit was a brand, and figured it was an exercise methodology like “aerobics-but-for-insufferable-assholes”.

Those eyes have inspected a lot of bellybuttons up close.

I wanted to give you a star, but both my hands were occupied scratching this rash.

Makes you really respect “I’m just here so I don’t get fined”.

“Players earning helmet stripes” is brought to you by “The new boss who removes the door to his office” and “9th grade book reports that repeat the plot verbatim”.

Is the readership around here skewing young enough that they need to have a link explaining Steve Bartman? Also, holy shit, that was 15 years ago?

Should’ve been fairly obvious that it was foul when Kepler didn’t run down to first, due to the charley horse with “Rawlings” stamped on it.

Por que no los dos?

Trevor Bauer has stated that, win lose or mutilate, the Cleveland Indians will gladly take any invitations laying around.

At minimum they should demand the cruel joke Emma Lazarus wrote be taken off the bottom.

*carnival barker voice* “Bucket of batteries! Get your bucket of batteries!”

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance...

Minnesota is absolutely viewed as a flyover state.

This is the correct take. I’ll add that bullpen arms especially don’t give a shit how little the first baseman moves. I’d rather give guys a day, and have ESPN televise a game from a flyover state (hey, Eddie Rosario is a neat ballplayer in MN), than rupture a UCL.

Exactly. When I see “wacky” I think “kids movie with lots of fart jokes and the villain gets hit in the groin a lot” not “school shooter”.