Neither do we.

I love baseball. And the Twins specifically. This is some bullshit. The complaint is nonsense even separated from the fact that the hit led to a bases loaded situation.

A Zombie Jesus Day miracle.

That one hurts.

“Looks like the victim had cranial contusions”

Sterling screaming dong while banging gongs on air would still be better than that tortured Italian call

“Austin Barnes was batting when foul territory near the Dodgers’ dugout suddenly became a lake of poop.”

Can’t rule out mid majors. Sister Jean is warming up her ruler to teach you a lesson for your impertinence.

Sometimes low hanging fruit is still worth picking.

Poutine squirts are more popular than Joey Bats.

“You seem like a maladjusted alcoholic. The court sentences these inner-city youth to your custody.”

The Tom Hanks piss scene deserved its own Oscar category.

Burner synergy is on point, though.

There are no cars.

Christ. Did Mike Pence draft their code of conduct?

That’s horrible.

Shit. That’s terrifying. Hope he’s ok.

So whose business are these shitkickers going to ruin this year?

They are god awful.

Now I’m singing “ U. S. Mutant Ninja Turtles” in my head. That’ll be stuck there for a while...