I’ve fired a pistol exactly one time. The six bullets I got off before my hand hurt and I stopped to refill my beer all went wide right.

our research shows that 86 percent of all Nancies want to speak to the manager

Best color man in the business.

“I’m not even mad about the idea, because it’s not going to happen. I am not going to waste my emotion on it.”

Legitimately my boyhood dream.

My toddler son’s favorite right now:

In fairness to Polian, yeah, that inch is a big one to him, it’s all he has.

Agreed.

It was weirdly breathy. Sing the song, don’t show up drunk and try to fuck it.

He hasn’t hit rock bottom yet.

C’mon man. You can’t throw the towel in that easy.

But Doctor Lecter, what of fava beans and their appropriate pairings?

What? No, I meant “friends in low places”

Like when people kneel during a song?

The thrilla in vanilla?

From the article:

I don’t have much to give, but I’ll gladly provide what I can for startup funds.

If there is justice in the world, it will take place in lieu of that dipshit’s missile/penis party.

They’re clearly guilty of thoughtcrime. They’ll be sent to a place without darkness.

Well she sure as hell won’t.